i am listening to the new Baggage Series from Cross Point. I honestly wish I could get the transcripts of the messages I’ve heard so far.

Pete talks about something called image management — wearing masks of normalcy to keep our baggage secret and to ourselves.

oh man… i hate this series already.
but in a good way of course.

for years and years i lived a life of image management. i did this so well that i actually began to believe that i was fine — that i didn’t have baggage. i could hide it all so well. but oh, all this did was make it worse. i wasn’t real with anyone anymore. even those closest to me, i only let get to 90% of who i really was. still 10% of my life was hidden and protected by this image management.

my childhood home life… my porn addiction… my issues with men… my inability to forgive… my distrust in God and people… my issues with anger…

i could somehow make the very dark, very lonely, very broken and very lost person that i really was, appear so mature and so put together.

and even though i have overcome a lot of my image management issues through finally becoming real with those close to me and even just out here on my blog… i don’t know how well i am doing at the whole forgiving and healing part. counseling really helps and i am doing better and better but when i hear a message like this… all i can see is how far i have to go.

i can’t wait for the day that i have it all together and get all of this right.
God of Heaven, come down.