Yep, so it is just about 3:00am and I am wired.

wired, adj: tense with excitement and enthusiasm as from a rush of adrenaline

Ok…. maybe wired isn’t quite the right word, but it will work for now.

(there is “meatier” content toward the bottom of this post in case you are already bored with my babbling… just look for the *)

When I got home from work… I ate dinner… and went to my room. With my work clothes intact, I decided to watch a little TV in bed… unexpected and unknowing… I just completely crashed… the kind of hard sleep where when you come out of it – you have this feeling that is a combination of heat exhaustion, sickness, confusion and as if you have just been hit by a Mack truck. Yep… that is what happened. I slept for 4 hours… from 7:30pm-11:30pm.

I am the kind of person that has trouble falling asleep at night. Borderline insomniac. So now my mind and body are completely confused and think it is already morning.

My fear is now playing out… my fear is that I will not be able to get to sleep later on tonight. Seeing as it is almost 3:00am and I am not only blogging, but am completely alert and focused… yeah… this isn’t good. I would ask for prayers that my mind would settle and that I would be able to sleep and get rested, but you are all asleep and are of no help to me. My only hope is my west coast friends who might still be up at midnight.

* Since I have all night to write – I will share with you some life stuff… for the most part, life is good. I am hearing God more because I am listening harder than before… interesting how that works out. Some have asked how the women’s ministry meeting went… well it didn’t go terrible, but I didn’t walk away completely satisfied either, but concerns were listened to and validated. Progression should be coming around the bend soon.

Probably my biggest battle is this silly word called, contentment. To help me in my battle, God is bringing forth incredible women to mentor me. Incredible women that I would be quite an amazing woman myself if I become anything like them when I “grow up”.

Webster’s Dictionary uses scripture to define the word contentment (how flippin’ awesome is that?) contentment, n: “It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of divine providence.” (comprised from Psalm 96:1-2; 145)

I am currently memorizing Psalm 42:1-5. See below.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
       so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
       When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food
       day and night,
       while men say to me all day long,
       “Where is your God?”

These things I remember
       as I pour out my soul:
       how I used to go with the multitude,
       leading the procession to the house of God,
       with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
       among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.

First driving session is Saturday at 11:45am. I haven’t driven more than a couple minutes in over 3 years and the enemy is really trying to dig his dirty claws into my skin to bring out my anxiety and desire to quit before I even start. I am feeling very weak about this right now. Prayer for intercession by the Father is required, friends. Encouragement and hand-holding too! I’ve been here before and have failed before. He’s won this game too many times. I do not want the enemy to win again.  

Gonna go try and sleep. Hopefully I don’t drool too much or snore too loudly at work on Friday.