Confession: I’m Obsessed with the Scale
So, on Wednesday I shared with you all that I will be participating in the Forty Days of Water but that I was not truly going to give anything up for Lent. Well, I’ve changed my mind.
What I’ve decided to give up is a little bit unorthodox and some of you might even think it is cop-out. Let me assure you that this will be a lot harder than it seems.
I’ve decided not to weigh myself again until after Easter. I have become so obsessed with the number on the scale — to the point in which I weigh myself in the morning and in the evening — everyday. The obsession though, became quite clear when I paid a quarter to use a scale in a gas station bathroom, somewhere between Nashville and Atlanta on Wednesday evening. All because I hadn’t weighed myself that day and needed to know where I was before my vacation really started.
Something has truly snapped in my brain over the last 5 months. I went from not caring all about my weight and having great self-esteem, to an insecure, tracks every ounce, guilt-ridden girl that I don’t even recognize. And when I add in the “you look great!” compliments (which I don’t accept too well and end up saying something like, “oh yeah well I still have 65 pounds to go.” or “yeah, but I didn’t reach my goal this week.”) plus my new pant size and new clothes, it just continues to build an unhealthy obsession.
And to take it one further and I apologize for the TMI, but I have even begun taking a laxative the mornings of my weigh-ins. Just to ensure that every ounce is counted as loss. I actually fear that an eating disorder is on the horizon, so something needs and must be done.
So, while I will still focus on good eating habits and working out, the following will not occur again until Monday, April 13.
No more weighing myself at home.
No more weigh in posts.
No more weight watchers meetings.
No more anything to do with my weight as it relates to the number on the scale.
It is my hope that during this time I will be able to refocus on why I decided to lose weight in the first place. And create in me a healthy self-image and relationship with food, exercise and the scale.
you can do it! or not do it, whatever… anyway – good for you.
good for you–this sounds like a good decision and I know it isn’t easy OR a cop-out.
Way to be aware! Similar thing happened to me–though I didn’t stop at the time. I’m proud of your honesty-not only to the “public” but to yourself–way to go!!
Well hey now, I am mightily impressed that you not only used a neti-pot (sp?) but also recorded it for all the world to see said use of that neti-pot (still sp?).
Your blog rocks. No need to live vicariously since your life is pretty darned cool as it is;-)
I’ve been there many, many, many times. One day I just woke up and told myself I didn’t owe it to the world to be some sort of slim supermodel person. I mean honestly, what does it really matter (assuming you’re still mobile and healthy)? If your blog is any reflection on you as a person (and I’m sure it is), then you’re already beautiful. Keep up the good work, and go enjoy something tasty!
I can relate to this post on SO many levels. If you ever wanna chat about it, lemme know!
I’m here for ya!
good for you! i think you’re more in-tune with your body than you give yourself credit for.
i don’t even own a scale.
Crystal, just found your blog and came across this post. So great meeting you last week. I can sympathize with the scale obsession. Have never quite put the quarter in the machine, but hey, I didn’t say I haven’t heavily debated it.
I want you to know i believe in your passion, I believe in your ability to make those around you feel special and that those are the qualities that make you who you are. God lives in our relationships and anything that takes away fom that or makes you feel worry forget it. You are awsome.
j