“No, I am Single.”


It is so funny how almost every other day of the year I am perfectly content with my single status (because I know that it is temporary and the Lord hasn’t called me to a perpetual life of singleness), but when Valentine’s Day comes it is like I forget all of that. And let a holiday that originally commemorated the death of martyred Saints make me all wonky.

Yesterday, someone who was essentially a stranger asked me, “so, what are you and your husband doing for Valentine’s Day?” Not only did I have to correct this person and say, “I am not married.” I had to say the words, “No, I am single.”

In that moment, I felt crushed. Awkward. Inadequate. As if being single was a bad thing to admit. I allowed the enemy to rob me of some of my joy and security in that conversation.

I am demanding it back.

Because I am not defined by my marital status.

I am defined by my status in Christ.

And that one is pretty darn solid.


  1. I can definitely relate to this! We are not defined by this one holiday… we are only defined in Christ! I needed this reminder!

  2. Makeda

    You go girl! As a fellow singleton I feel your pain completely. It’s funny how in our society, should I say especially in the church, being single is viewed as a disease that we need to be healed from. We are NOT our marital status. Thanks for sharing your heart

  3. I an so relate to you! 25 years ago I went to my 10 year High School reunion. Out of 150 graduates, I was one of the few singles. A year later, I got married & had a daughter. I was 29. I so did not see that coming the summer of ’85! I sometimes got mad at God about the being single thing. What the heck, God? But, He knew when I was ready. I guess! The perfect guy isn’t out there, but the guy who is perfect for you is.

  4. You go girl!! I’m married but that doesn’t define who I am. I love being married and have a wonderful husband. But before all of that I am His child. And that means everything.

  5. JuliaKate

    as someone who is recently single (and when i say recent, i mean i haven’t changed my Facebook status yet, lol!) it has been an interesting Valentines thus far. most people don’t know that anything has changed, so i just smile and avoid the questions on “plans for the weekend”. i have lived 30+ years as a single woman on Valentines and i can make it through another. i was content before i met him and though i am struggling with a broken heart, i am not struggling with being single again. like you, i feel marriage is coming and i’d rather not compromise just to have a “valentine” on valentines day;-)
    thanks for posting this.

  6. “Because I am not defined by my marital status.
    I am defined by my status in Christ.”

    Amen and thank goodness!

  7. totally agree.
    and even if you were married, your relationship to Christ would STILL trump your relationship with your husband…I’ve learned that and I’m still learning it and goodness, but there’s a lot of grace in that realization…:)

  8. 1 Corinthians 7:34 –
    “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.”

    You are amazing!

  9. andrea

    I couldn’t agree more with your post! Thank you for writing it…I needed the reminder too!

  10. Thanks for your post! Although, I’ve never viewed Valentine’s Day as a day just for romantic love. It’s a day I celebrate love of all kinds and I call my family and friends to let them know how much I care. God created all types of love and we should celebrate them all!

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