it is 2:30am and i am fighting back tears. just SUPER emotional. and i am not sure where it is all coming from. work has been UBER busy for my department over the last couple weeks so i am hoping my busyness and working late, etc. is contributing to my overly-emotional take on life but it is just strong tonight.

i am a woman and an artist so realistically, i am allowed to be just a hair more dramatic than “normal”. all i know is that i don’t like this side of dramatic. nope, not at all. not a bit. the sad/angry/frustrated side of dramatic. basically i feel like i am being attacked. which would make sense. God is trying to prepare me for the mission-field and all i am doing is allowing the enemy to distract me with DRAMA. welcome to my life though.

when will i learn that i don’t have to be a doormap for drama?

that i don’t have to over-analyze everything. that sometimes perfectly, wonderful friendships have off-days. that sometimes people will treat me different than other days. that i will be busier today than others days. that some days i will be granted acknowledgement and affirmation and some days i will be invisible and be given no credit. and that some times, some things are just how they are and i can’t change them. and it’s ok.

not sure i will ever get there.

thoughts? advice? anything?


latest random news:

i love diet cranberry limeades from SONIC
i only have $415 left to raise for my mission (out of $3000… wow!)
i am doing a lot better with my sciatica symptoms. i went to my genius chiropractor and started doing pilates again.

i ran across this passage from the book “Captivating” again… it still moves me, no matter how many times i read it. i am reminded that i was created to be a woman and that i am an intentional creation of God. makes me feel pretty darn powerful in a world that makes me feel, at times, powerless.

“She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master’s finishing touch…Given the way that creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation?” … “She is God’s final touch, his ‘piece de resistance.’ She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill. Step to a window, ladies, if you can. Better still, find some place with a view. Look out across the earth and say to yourselves, ‘The whole, vast world is incomplete without me. Creation reached its zenith in me’.” – Captivating, Stasi Eldredge


  1. I think that you and I are both kind of funk(y). I love you and am totally cheering for you right now. Yeah…I totally have a cheer uniform. Heck yeah I do. I know that you will get through this. And by the way, I really like that picture of that guy with the sunglasses and the scarf.

  2. I am there with you. The other night I was “funky” and exhausted. I had been working 70+ hours between the two jobs and I just went to be collapsed and crying. I hated feeling this tired and not seeing my family. Thanks for being open and honest. We – your blogging groupies – love you and your creativity. Keep it up!

  3. Julie

    Crystal I love you! I know I havn’t seen you in forever, but hopefully I will be there Tuesday. Then I can give you a big ole hug.

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