not meant to be depressing…
hey all. sorry i’ve been in a posting hiatus over the last week. to be quite frank, i haven’t been in the mood to post. been consumed by a lot of “dwelling” on the past and present and have kind of been in a solemn place in my heart, mind and spirit. but God’s provision never ceases to amaze me. He’s allowed me to be in great conversation in the last couple days with friends who’ve been here before and that’s been good for it. He’s protected me from conversation that otherwise would have caused me more hurt. so i am very grateful.
it’s my hope that posts of this nature will get fewer and farther between. but this is a place where people should feel welcome to be real. and to be real with my emotions is where real is for me right now.
this entry isn’t meant to be depressing though. i want to share with you a poem that i keep being either reminded of on my own or even from friends who’ve read it or heard it recently and have thought of me. i want to share it with you because i think it sums up quite perfectly where i’m at. i haven’t been too eloquent myself these days so any help in that department is great.
it’s called “silence” by the spoken word poet, Bradley Hathaway. listen here. the words are below.
Silence, Bradley Hathaway
What’s happening here?
I was once so alive and now I’m so full of dread and almost dead
Show me your wounded head that is lead to communion with the father
But where did he go?
His presence seems farther and farther away each day
but I’m trying so hard to steer his way
Yet still lonely and confused on this cold hard ground I lay
Speak to me wise mouth and say “it’s all good kid, it’s nothing that you did, and though it feels like I’m not here with you right now just be still and listen for that sound..
Did you hear it?
Did you hear it?
That silent voice that just spoke nothing, that is me, I’m listening to your plea with open ears
Counting all your tears flowing from your irritated eyes
Searching the skies looking for that hope that beyond there lies.
You young worrisome sparrow, find rest
Lay your battered head upon my omnipresent breast and make it your nest
No strong cold wind could ever blow and carry you from this your home
Look around, see the life springing up from the ground
Spring colors springing fourth and celebration of your trusting
It’s a constant process this is
Growing you into the person you are to become
But when you sense the setting of the sun know it is only rising and has just begun
Now go fourth, sing songs of faith, and lift up others in the midst of this race
And if you can’t keep the pace or lose sight of my face
Know that I’m always near so you need not fear
But don’t worry about all that right now
Just sit here and enjoy the peace I offer in my silence
When I am silent I am listening, and not abandoning.