Guest Blogger: Porn Star
Today’s “Guest” is a remarkable woman I’ve only recently met via Twitter when Matt Singley had @ her and I became intrigued. Well, her name is Crissy. I don’t use her last name for a reason. You see, she is a former Porn Star. She left the pornography world on October 6, 2006 and since then has dedicated her life to sharing her story and the love of Christ with women still in the sex industry through an organization called Treasures. You can read more about Crissy at her MySpace. I am honored to call her my friend.
Warning – This post may be too graphic for some.
Freedom from Bondage
The room was cold and the music was loud with the darkest lyrics I have ever heard. He meticulously bound my arms together and tied them from the ceiling. He tied my right leg from another rope that extended from the ceiling. I stood there on my left foot in the highest arched high heels I have ever worn slightly leaning forward and held up by the ropes from the ceiling. I was so tightly bound that I felt a slight tingle in every limb. He told me the vision he had in his mind of the images he was trying to create. He then grabbed the ball gag and popped it into my mouth and buckled it behind my head. He touched my chin with his finger and told me I looked good with a ball gag in my mouth. He walked away to grab his camera and adjust the lights then said the words I will never forget “Okay, struggle”. I felt the darkness envelope me. The music was amplified and the darkness began to feel good. I turned my conscious off. I closed my eyes and began to whimper while with each flash of the camera lights I changed position slightly the best I could while balancing on my left foot in my high heel. I went numb and then began to feel sick yet I could not express it to the photographer except with my eyes. I was in a panic. He sensed it took the gag out of my mouth as I vomited all over him and the floor.
It was a new experience for me and he was the first to shoot it. He later became my friend and a confidant. I saw the softer side of him that not many saw. I found out later that he too was in bondage, a different kind of bondage. But I didn’t realize it until it was too late. He ended up in jail and hung himself with his bed sheet. I never even got to say goodbye. It was on my birthday. Crystal meth had slowly destroyed my friend.
I don’t know why but today these memories flooded my head. I felt the need to write them down right away. I was in bondage of so many different types. I was abused by a boyfriend physically, mentally, and sexually. I was sucked in by the glamor and money and was in total bondage to sin. The restraints were so tight and my life was just dwindling away. My spirit slowly submitted over the years and I thought that God didn’t love me. I thought he had begun to hate me. Satan had such a hold over my life and I began to believe the lies in my head. I lost the drive to make my life better and I felt isolated and alone. Satan wants us to be alone. He tries to isolate us so he can destroy us. He twists and manipulates us into thinking evil is good.
I guess I have just come to realize just how tricky Satan can be. He gets a grip on us and he just doesn’t let go. The only thing that can save us is Christ. God had so much mercy on us that He sent His Son to be crucified on the cross for our sins. He loved us just that much. He never created me to be in porn. That was my own disobedience. He has a better purpose for my life and I am just now starting to see that.
He has a better purpose for you, too. He is just waiting for you to receive Him. You don’t have to be in bondage. You can be free. It doesn’t matter if you are in porn or a porn addict or a drug addict. Sin is sin and Christ has already paid the price. All you have to do is accept it, repent, and turn away from the sin. Turn to Him.
It says in His Word:
John 8.36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
Rom 8:1 THERE is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
No more bondage.
Only you can make the choice.
Realize that God loves you… so much so that He sent His one and only Son into the world. He is not a God from afar off… He is a God (the only God) as close as a brother. He knows what its like to suffer loss. He knows what it’s like to bleed. He knows what it’s like to be betrayed. He understands what life (and death) is like on earth. Because of that, consider what He says about Himself. Jesus says He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life – we can only come to God through Him. (John 14.6)
so… Turn to God, Turn away from old lifestyle – Trust in Jesus: His Teachings, His death on the cross, His resurrection conquering death and our sins (shortcomings) – and He will give you Life. He will undo your chains and set you FREE!
An amazing and scary story – it’s awesome to see her reach out to others trapped by the adult industry. Keep up the good work (Gal 6:9). -Phil
wow! Sweet redemption. I pray a lot of people read this post. not all will comment but Lord bring many to read this!
Crissy, love it. Every single line you wrote struck a chord with me.
Rereading this post:
When you described the bondage you endured and your friend was in akin to what I saw myself going through.
When I was able to see myself with the eyes of the Father, I saw someone who was completely wrapped in chains from head to toe. Each end of the chains were bolted down to the floor and were given just enough slack to where I couldn’t stand straight.
I lived 32 years just like that.
In a moment, God’s healing touch shattered each chain into fine dust.
Our God is good like that.
Crissy, I’m proud to call you my friend. You’re brave to write this. I love the grace that God has given you (and all of us), so that we can be free from the bonds that held us. We are free now. Praise God!
Crissy, it is so awesome to see God renew your life in Him so you can live the true purpose He meant for you, and to, going forward, enjoy His wonderful gift of sexuality in the wonderful way He intended it to be had. It’s sad to see how the devil makes evil seem good and then makes God seem like He’s holding back on our fun. I thank God that He has called you to be a living testimony and may many hear your word and with God’s divine help, come to change as you did. God bless
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