Just Let Me Have a Freaking Oreo

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In the last year I have lost 25 pounds.
In the last year I have gained back 27 pounds.

I don’t get caught up in the number on the scale.
I don’t get caught up in the tag size on my jeans.
I don’t even get caught up with how I look in the mirror.

I just get caught up in the reality that my weight will likely always be a battle. Even when I have had immense success with my weight like I did early this year (losing 25 pounds and fitting into a pair of jeans I haven’t since middle school), the moment I give in the littlest bit—it all comes back on.

I feel like if I don’t starve myself. Or deprive myself. Or have pay for a gym membership… I am judged by society for not trying because I am still overweight. When in reality… I am probably healthier on paper than the size 2 girl who never has to watch a single calorie.

I can’t help but be a little frustrated.
I can’t help but be a little mad.
I can’t help but be a little sad.

I look at my family… those I resemble the most… and see that this weight card is something that has been handed down a many many years. Both genetically and by example.

I will be the first to admit that I don’t eat healthy… every day. I don’t workout… every day. But I do feel I balance the good with the bad pretty well. Even going as far as omitting certain fatty meats from my diet—adopting a pescetarian lifestyle.

But it is never enough on it’s own.

Unless I am… counting every calorie… watching every Weight Watcher point …exercising five or more days a week …or being hard on myself… the weight stays on or packs on all the more.

As so many years before it—2010 will begin another year of me trying to get this right. And I’ll be honest, I don’t wanna do it. But I know that in order to be the best and healthiest me, I have to be more proactive than others. It is how I am created. And I know just as so many other thorns, this too is something God wants me to put my full trust in Him about.

And I know I am not alone.

So, if you’re finding yourself as frustrated as I am… let’s try something together…

If you have an iPhone get the free Lose it! App and add me: crystal.renaud(at)gmail.com—to your friends. A lot of people are using it. You can track your weight (eek), what you eat and how you exercise—and at the same time, keep each other accountable.

I will be plugging in each stair I step and every Oreo I eat into this thing.

The good… the bad… the ugly… real life.

If I succeed in 2010… then awesome.

And I hope you do as well.

But I am not going to hide it if I don’t.

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Comments

  1. Jason

    I SO know what you mean. In 2006, I was down to 199 lbs. Today, I’m at 275…where I was before I started the diet years ago. Every time I look in the mirror it bites me.

    I don’t have iPhone so I can’t join you on that but I’ll keep praying for you. 🙂

  2. lisa

    well, you just hit me where i’m livin…and i feel your struggle. it is the exact thing for me, i have to watch everything i do in order to see any results..i have been thinking the same thing, gotta do something about this, i am sooo tired of it, it dominates so much of my thinking every single day, i want to be free from it. well, i don’t have an iphone, but i wish you all the best and i hope to read about your success here on the blog. much love…Lisa

  3. pa3cia

    i want to do this too =/

    i am frustrated as well.

    my excuse is IM BUSY with working & homeschooling @ the same time.

    i know its not an excuse.

    wanna help keep me accountable?

    1. Crystal Renaud

      yes! you will actually need my email address: crystal.renaud(at)gmail.com to find me on Lose it!

  6. Makeda

    Crystal, I feel your pain completely and understand exactly what you are going through. I lost a bunch of weight and gained back some of it recently despite working out 3-5 times a week. My issue is the food and recognizing that there are just some things I cannot eat. Trying to focus on my nutrition is my big goal in 2010; I want to get consistent. I would love to join you on the Lose It app but I have found that if I am looking at a scale then I start doing unhealthy things to make the scale move which doesn’t help me in the long run. So I’m just trying to take it one day at a time making good nutrition choices. The working out piece I’ve got (training for a triathlon or two will do that for you). if I can get the eating side under control I will be healthier and in the end that matters more than what size my jeans are. I’ll support you on this journey but if its okay I’ll have to do it via your blog and twitter since I’m boycotting my scale for the sake of my health. Thanks for so honestly sharing your heart.

  8. David

    Would love to do this…if Lose It was available in the Australian app store… :/

    Maybe we should do an LGO extension

  10. Jess

    Your struggles with weight parallel my own so much that is scary! This year I lost 25 lbs and gained back about 15. I switched over to the pescatarian lifestyle and learned exactly what my body can and can’t have. UGH! That does NOT make it easier though. I am right there with you. I am using Sparkpeople since I do not have an iphone either… but, I will be checking back to read about your journey! You can do lady!

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