Just Let Me Have a Freaking Oreo
In the last year I have lost 25 pounds.
In the last year I have gained back 27 pounds.
I don’t get caught up in the number on the scale.
I don’t get caught up in the tag size on my jeans.
I don’t even get caught up with how I look in the mirror.
I just get caught up in the reality that my weight will likely always be a battle. Even when I have had immense success with my weight like I did early this year (losing 25 pounds and fitting into a pair of jeans I haven’t since middle school), the moment I give in the littlest bit—it all comes back on.
I feel like if I don’t starve myself. Or deprive myself. Or have pay for a gym membership… I am judged by society for not trying because I am still overweight. When in reality… I am probably healthier on paper than the size 2 girl who never has to watch a single calorie.
I can’t help but be a little frustrated.
I can’t help but be a little mad.
I can’t help but be a little sad.
I look at my family… those I resemble the most… and see that this weight card is something that has been handed down a many many years. Both genetically and by example.
I will be the first to admit that I don’t eat healthy… every day. I don’t workout… every day. But I do feel I balance the good with the bad pretty well. Even going as far as omitting certain fatty meats from my diet—adopting a pescetarian lifestyle.
But it is never enough on it’s own.
Unless I am… counting every calorie… watching every Weight Watcher point …exercising five or more days a week …or being hard on myself… the weight stays on or packs on all the more.
As so many years before it—2010 will begin another year of me trying to get this right. And I’ll be honest, I don’t wanna do it. But I know that in order to be the best and healthiest me, I have to be more proactive than others. It is how I am created. And I know just as so many other thorns, this too is something God wants me to put my full trust in Him about.
And I know I am not alone.
So, if you’re finding yourself as frustrated as I am… let’s try something together…
If you have an iPhone get the free Lose it! App and add me: crystal.renaud(at)gmail.com—to your friends. A lot of people are using it. You can track your weight (eek), what you eat and how you exercise—and at the same time, keep each other accountable.
I will be plugging in each stair I step and every Oreo I eat into this thing.
The good… the bad… the ugly… real life.
If I succeed in 2010… then awesome.
And I hope you do as well.