i need to have that tattooed on my frickin’ forehead… for reals. i am so emotional. at times i blame it on just being a girl but really…. no…. i am just OVERLY emotional about too much, especially when it comes to God-stuff. when my emotions outweigh my faith in God’s timing, i begin to see myself as more holy and more worthy of good things than most people. as a result this head game brings forth what i like to call “drama queen crystal”. she believes she should get the good things, brags, remind God of how great she is, then gets pouty when things don’t go her way and she has be in pain walking through brush and rocky road. yes i refer to myself in the 3rd person when “drama queen crystal” enters my thought and spiritual life.

well anne jackson caught me on one of these “funky” days a few days ago when she became the sounding board to one of my emotional dramatic spats. in not so many words it sounded something like this: “see how great i am, why isn’t the spotlight on me … i am better than whomever, where is God and my neat little path, why is He calling me yet making me go through all of this crap… all of this work that is getting me no where… why are people saying things will be happening but nothing is done… why isn’t it going MY way, etc.”

see… drama queen crystal is insane.

well to my benefit God had led her to a devotional that totally spoke to me. it came from Oswald Chambers, “My Utmost for His Highest“. If you’ve never read through this devotional might i just suggest that you do? ironically i used to read this devo daily but stopped when i just got out of the groove. but i am definitely going to dig back into it. just such GOOD stuff in there.

this particular devo speaks on how it is about FAITH – not emotion. our work is not in vain. that we are to do it with an infinitely greater power to withstand the struggle because we have been born from above. to trust that God is in complete control, omnipresent and is basically not out to get us and watch us squirm. good to be reminded of.

how to do you react to your inner drama queen/king?

here’s the devo. thoughts are welcome!

For a while, we are fully aware of God’s concern for us. But then, when God begins to use us in His work, we begin to take on a pitiful look and talk only of our trials and difficulties. And all the while God is trying to make us do our work as hidden people who are not in the spotlight. None of us would be hidden spiritually if we could help it. Can we do our work when it seems that God has sealed up heaven? Some of us always want to be brightly illuminated saints with golden halos and with the continual glow of inspiration, and to have other saints of God dealing with us all the time. A self-assured saint is of no value to God. He is abnormal, unfit for daily life, and completely unlike God. We are here, not as immature angels, but as men and women, to do the work of this world. And we are to do it with an infinitely greater power to withstand the struggle because we have been born from above.

If we continually try to bring back those exceptional moments of inspiration, it is a sign that it is not God we want. We are becoming obsessed with the moments when God did come and speak with us, and we are insisting that He do it again. But what God wants us to do is to “walk by faith.” How many of us have set ourselves aside as if to say, “I cannot do anything else until God appears to me”? He will never do it. We will have to get up on our own, without any inspiration and without any sudden touch from God. Then comes our surprise and we find ourselves exclaiming, “Why, He was there all the time, and I never knew it!” Never live for those exceptional moments— they are surprises. God will give us His touches of inspiration only when He sees that we are not in danger of being led away by them. We must never consider our moments of inspiration as the standard way of life— our work is our standard.  [source]