From the Desk of Crystal Renaud
How’s that for an official heading? Funny, in that I actually don’t have a desk at home.
But anyways . . .
I wrote a post earlier this week as part of RefineUs.org’s series on life transitions to announce something pretty big happening in my life and how it will affect the future of Dirty Girls Ministries. In case you missed the tweets, status updates, etc. referring to this announcement, I wanted to share it here as well. Thank you for the support you’ve shown me and this ministry, whether you’ve been following us for 3 years, 3 months or 3 minutes.
I’m really quite excited (and I’ll be honest: a bit nervous) for what’s ahead. . .
Founder & Executive Director of Dirty Girls Ministries
How do I put into words something that doesn’t make sense on paper?
On January 3, 2011 I submitted my resignation from a job I’ve loved and have had for almost seven years . . . in order to pursue my own ministry as full-time Director of Dirty Girls Ministries.
While the decision to resign from my job this month catapults me into a huge life transition, I know that I have been “in transition” for quite some time as God has been preparing me for this new ministry.
When I started my job I had just turned 19 and was less than 6 months sober from an 8-year-long addiction to pornography. No one (except one person) even knew I had struggled in that capacity and I planned to keep it that way.
But a few years later, following the news of my former pastor & mentor’s infidelities, my eyes were opened to the sexual brokenness of those you’d never suspect. And I began to come to terms with my past as a sex addict and God’s desire to restore those lost years of my life.
No more hiding.
I would soon begin leading recovery groups for women with pornography and sexual addiction at my church. Just as a volunteer in our counseling department.
But over the last three years, God has given me glimpses into what it could be to do this ministry full-time. He did so by providing opportunities to shine and thrive in the role of ministry director.
Not something I thought I’d ever do.
And yet with each opportunity, the more restless with my 9-5 life I became. And the more my heart fell deeper in the love with the new life of ministry God was ushering me into.
By day I was well-liked church communications girl. But on nights and weekends I was counselor, author, speaker . . . and utterly exhausted.
I knew resigning was an inevitable part of my near future. I knew this new ministry was my God-given passion and I could no longer be married to it and my day job.
And yet I cowered in fear and battled my pride for nearly a year.
About whether I was really hearing God right,
About what it would be like to quit my job and still go to church there after so long,
About how I’d be perceived for asking for donations not just for the ministry, but also in order for me to live day to day,
About where I’d go if I did quit but this whole ministry just fail right out of the gate.
How was I supposed to just walk away with nothing?
The last time I resigned from a job, I didn’t care about it at all. My resignation letter was a post-it note with the word “adios” on it letting my boss know I was going on a mission trip to Mexico and I would be leaving the job.
But I was 18 and I was wreckless.
Now that I am a 26-year-old single woman—to walk away from a steady salary, retirement, life insurance, medical insurance (and a job I am really, really good at) to pursue a ministry with no real guarantees for success—doesn’t make sense.
In fact, it can appear just as wreckless.
Not to mention I don’t even have my own car right now.
But what does make sense is placing my trust in a sovereign God that since meeting Him 10 years ago. . . hasn’t let me down once.
3 weeks from today, for the first time in seven years, I will awake not as an employee of my church, but on day one of total dependence on God and others.
And while I am nervous about the unknown, I know He is there waiting for me to join Him.
It is scary. It is wonderful.
It is wonderfully scary.
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