it’s been said that, “when a person has been hurt by another, the scars left behind on the inside are far more numerous and unsightly than the ones that are seen on the outside. The scars that are the most painful reminders of the terror of past hurts, pain and traumas are the ones that attach themselves to the mind.”

lately that’s been true. with church stuff, i’ve been a great rock for those who have needed it. a prayer warrior. a good servant. i’ve known a lot. been told a lot. seen a lot. more than most, and that’s ok. i feel like that’s been the role i’ve needed to play. but inside, i’d been crumbling. but i didn’t realize the tole it was taking on my mind, my body, my spirit. while the church picked up the pieces and begins moving more and more forward, i didn’t realize how much i was still holding on to. how much i am still hurting. how much i miss him. how much i miss her. how much of a void their absence has been for me personally.

unexpectedly on friday night, all that pain caught up with me and boy, was it good. finally, the tears were allowed to flow. sure at the beginning of this whole thing, i cried many cries, but i didn’t know i could cry this hard. you know, the ugly kind of crying. does anyone know why so much snot builds up when we cry?

i know some pain is healthy and that this will continue to be something i walk through and continue grieving in stages, but at what point does pain become a distraction?

can pain be a distraction from moving forward?

(ref: God Shows Up in a Crisis)