Stat Ho Anonymous

Hi, my name is Crystal and I’m a Stat Ho.

I’m just going to be honest with you that since returning from my 2-month break from blogging, I’ve been struggling with reconciling my current stat numbers with those from before my break. Stats meaning, the amount of traffic that comes to my little piece of internet real estate.

Going into my blog break, I more than mentally prepared myself that some folks weren’t going to come back. That I was going to lose some readers. And I thought I was okay with that. But since coming back, I just feel retched. I didn’t take into consideration what losing some readers would to me emotionally.

The numbers before my break and after my break now, are extraordinarily different. And not for the better as you’ve guessed by now. It is like I left to work on some things that were important to me and future ministry, just to come back and find that no one’s around. Like I’ve been abandoned and left without support. Like the last 5+ years of writing here may even have been in vain.

And it is totally bumming me out.

Granted, it isn’t as though no one shows up. And to those of you who do and are reading this now, I am not overlooking you. Really, I’m not. In fact, you’re my one shimmer of hope in this whole crazy thing. And I also know that none of this is even supposed to be about me. But for some reason I keep getting in the way.

I just wanted to share this with you that here today, this is my struggle. I know, I sound like a strange combination of childish, insecure and elitist – but that’s totally not my intention or my point. This feeling of inadequacy and insecurity has even prevented me from posting some things because I don’t feel “good” enough anymore.

So, I don’t know if you ever struggle with this sort of thing (as a writer, as a blogger, etc.) but I do. And I am right now. But hopefully I’ll snap out of it soon… Lord knows there’s much to say and I need to just get over myself. That even if I was the only one to read any of it – that needs to be good enough.

I’m just not quite there yet, I guess.


  1. I know the feeling. I had to cut back the posting on one of my blogs for a while (for reasons including writers block, moving overseas and a full time study load) and the stats certainly did drop. If i put all the time i have spend pondering stats into making new content i might actually get somewhere.

  2. I understand how you feel. And doesn't it seem like the more time, energy, and emotion you put into a post, the less feedback you seem to get? *Sigh* But you just keep doing it because you know it's the right thing. Because you know that there might just be one person out there who needs to hear what you have to say. And that even if there isn't one person in cyberspace that needs to hear it, that maybe you just need to write it. Or maybe God just wants you to. And so, you keep writing. Yeah, I've been there.

  3. Well you've gained some new readers since you're break, me being one of them, so don't you worry, hang on in there. And remember people are away over the summer etc and spending less time at their computers reading. Looking forward to all the posts that are to come.

  4. Katie

    Isn’t it great that God uses broken sinful people like us? Thanks for sharing your struggles. And remember: you are God’s tool. He will use you to reach as many lives as he sees fit through your writing. He is always in control. Praying He gives you the strength to look beyond the stats.

  5. i read ur blog. =] in fact when i read urs, @inprogress @loswhit @jclayville, etc etc… i get really insecure at times. coz atleast ur blog gets traffic. LOL! mine doesnt! HA! but then i remind myself the reason why i write in the first place. first its coz HE told me to…second is coz i need it as a form of release from over thinking =) if someone happens to stumble upon the blog…i pray that they find something useful there to help them too =)

  6. stats will always be a stress as long as a person is writing for other people. once the blog does truly become about you (if that's what you want) and your struggles, victories, thoughts, minutiae, etc., you really won't care anymore. trust me on that one. i used to have hundreds of readers. i won diarist and online journal awards, i was exceptionally well read and followed. (this all started for me back in 1997, when "online journals" were first created) through the years, i have kept many of my readers, but my focus has shifted somehow (i'm not sure how, maybe i had enough affirmation and praise), and i write purely for me and the few who still follow. it is a struggle. thanks for sharing it. i wish you some reconciliation with it.

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