Step it Up, Men!

the following post might need to be read with a extra little grace.

I don’t know about you but more and more it seems to me that there are less real men around. You know, the kind who were brought up right.

Taught “ladies first.”
Taught to open doors.
Taught to lead by example.
Taught to offer their jacket when its cold.
Taught to help a lady when she’s carrying a lot of stuff.
Taught to stick around at the end of the day so a lady isn’t left alone.
Taught to not spit, swear or fart in front of a lady.

I just threw that last one in there for good measure.

In all seriousness, I’ve actually been observing this and sadly, I see the lack of this kind of man in the Church more than almost anywhere else. Whether it is a room set-up and a lady is left doing the heavy-lifting… or simply not opening a door on Sunday morning (and yes, even at Catalyst)–I fear its turning into an “every woman for herself” type of culture.

A culture where men are either not paying attention or they just don’t care.
And as a single woman, this is all the more disheartening.

So, I’m curious.

Have women swung so far down the pendulum as strong & independent that we’ve killed off chivalry or are men just not who they used to be?


  1. as a man…i want to apologize!

    i still open doors, (car doors too!) i still wait, i still do everything i can to make a lady feel like a lady.

    and on behalf of all “men” who don’t, i’m sorry.

    honestly though, i think some guys fear that they will almost insult a lady if they do things like that because some ladies have interpreted as that a guy thinks they are “incapable” of it themselves.

    i’m with you. when i open a door, it’s not because i think you’re incapable. it’s because you shouldn’t have to do all that stuff by yourself.

    rock on.

  2. Lory

    as a single woman, i appreciate it when men do these things. although i tend to be very independent and pragmatic (i can do it faster if they’ll just move!), i am allowing guys to do things more often. so, i apologize to the men for the women who run them off!

    on a side note, the guys at my seminary are always really, REALLY good to grab doors and heavy things from the girls. in fact, one day i had a flat and a bunch of undergrad boys walked by me and a friend (female, i might add). the seminary guys all stopped to see if they could help…unfortunately, we were right at done. it made me realize the huge difference in the two.

  3. Silent J

    This is the shift in our generation. I see the need for men and women to be so equal that these things of beaty and kindness that should be included in everyday life are also quickly fading.

    It always makes me sad to see that when i wait or hold a door open that it makes such a difference. I don’t disagree that it should make a difference, but it shouldn’t be shock.

    I never se it as taking away a womens independence, I see it as a way to show kindness. And ladies, wait…..I know it takes longer to stand at a door and wait for it to be opened for you, but it is a gift to be able to do such a thing. So please alow the giver the same joy of giving as you get from receiving.

    PS, Whoever invented double doors……Well I will not mention who they work for:(

    Grace and Peace

  4. I totally agree with you.

    However… women, at the same time are more “independent” than ever. I’ve seen a man try to help and the woman say something like, “I’ve got it! You think just cuz I’m a woman, I need you to come rescue me?”

    That’s rare, but that poor guy was caught WAY off guard.

    I know I am happily surprised when a man (other than Brian, who does all this for me all the time) does this for me. Unfortunately, I think I move too fast on a regular basis for them to help. Apparently, I’m in a rush to nowhere.

    They’d have to REALLY be watching me to open a door, help me old my stuff, etc… and THAT’S a bit creepy 🙂

  5. tam

    i think its a bit of both. but i also think the “old way” still exists in some men. and i have no problem when im walking in to a building with a brent, or my son, standing outside the door and waiting til they step up to open it. makes me laugh too!

  6. As a strong woman who spent most of her life doing it herself…I think it’s both, but I can only influence my own actions.

    When I have children I will teach my boys chivalry, because I think it is important for them to notice the needs of others and to think of others, not just themselves. Manners in general seem to be disappearing from our society.

    But, I have also seen that my own actions influence how others treat me. A few years ago when I was dating I had a friend tell me, “just let him help you. You are teaching him that you don’t want the help and someday he just won’t and you’ll wish he did.” I do believe we treat people how to treat us and strong women (myself included) have been guilty of setting the expectation that we don’t want the help. I’m grateful for good friends who speak truth.

  7. Amy

    I agree with you. It seems as if alot of men fail to do alot of what you mentioned.

  8. yeah, a little of both i think. but there are still some out there who remember. look diligently and i wouldn’t trust the idea of possibly training someone who doesn’t know by now.

    but i should warn you… there’s not a man alive who will refrain from burping and farting in front of a lady once she is his wife.

    nope. no siree. no such animal. 😉

    – signed, 16 years blissfully married to a manly, hard working, loving, devoted, kid adoring, praying, door opening, car warming, shoulder rubbing hunk of a gorgeous man… who also happens to be a gifted flat-u-la-tor.

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