the truth hurts. when it bites back…
So I’ve been going through some… ICK … the last couple days. I have had feelings toward a very dear friend that I have never truly felt for her before. Feelings of bitterness, jealousy , that she was a conceited in my eyes, etc. … just an emotional mess of confusion. I, of course, being the incredible drama queen I am, I undeservedly confronted this person about HER heart issues. I just decided it was up to me to call her on them… yeah you can guess it wasn’t so much out of love and wanting to help her. It was more of a "I am mad at you for whatever reason so I am going to throw-up in this letter, show you all your sins and faults because I will feel better about my own problems."
Truly cruel. I know.
I was so completely ungodly that I was almost physically sick afterward. After I sent the email (which first all, if I didn’t feel like I could TALK to her in person about these issues, that should have been my first red flag that I shouldn’t say a darn thing, but that is logical and rational thinking which was the farthest thing from my mind at the time)… Anyway, after I sent the email I already had regretted it and after her reply… which completely revealed my own heart issues… I called her and apologized like an hour later, but a true conversation still needed to be had… which we had today. We’re good… and I feel perhaps closer for showing my vulnerability. I feel a lot better and I still am so very sorry for allowing the devil to use me like he did. BLECK!!
I am such a dumb girl sometimes. Why do girls have the need to compete with each other? In all truth, this amazing girl truly didn’t deserve to be told anything I had to say, for I already knew that God was working on her. I’ve never been the kind of person to be so irrational in confrontation.
So with that… a confession… I am human… and I need God daily to keep me grounded… humble… loving… everything I can’t be WITHOUT Him as #1. Thank You AGAIN for teaching me through the pain and wounds that unfortunately had to be healed the hard way.
Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer… Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him. In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent… Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD.
Again, I am very sorry. You know who you are. I love you… completely.
Thank you, Lord for first forgiving me.