My Relapse: From Temptation to Sin
In light of my church using my story in a message series recently and my own desire to be transparent (even in the areas that aren’t pretty) … I share with you my experience with a relapse.
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I’m not perfect.
The evening of February 22, 2009 — almost 6 years after I left pornography and my other sexual addictions behind — I had relapse.
I had just got home from a whirlwind trip.
- I was stressed.
- I was exhausted.
- I was lonely.
It was the perfect storm for an addict.
And I remember the rituals begin to unfold in my mind. The deep emotions that I was feeling in that moment were so strong I could taste them. But instead of connecting with my accountability partner or doing a redirecting exercise or more importantly going to God … I chose to go against everything I knew to do… and went to the thing that I even knew would leave me empty.
It ended as quickly as it began. And it isn’t something I’ve told to maybe one or two people since. And it isn’t my intention to simply air my dirty laundry out here today. I have a lot of lose by sharing this especially given the recent coverage that DGM has received.
But I share it today because it is something I hope you, the person who is in recovery and working toward sobriety, will read and learn from. And I also share it because even though I slipped, I didn’t allow the enemy to rob me of my mission and my call to begin this ministry. Which I see now is exactly what the enemy wanted to have happen.
But His grace is still sufficient and He is power is made perfect in our weakness.
Temptation never ends. At least it is my experience and observation of others that it never does. And while temptation is not a sin… acting on your temptation is. The enemy isn’t clever. He will use what he knows works to break you down. Having solid accountability in your life is vital as is having a trusting relationship with Jesus Christ. Those two things will be your life preserver when temptation comes.
Because temptation is inevitable.
Are you prepared?
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CovenantEyes Accountability differs from filtering in that it doesn’t block any websites you visit. While you’re online, CovenantEyes software works in the background, recording and ‘scoring’ every site you visit. Once a week, your accountability partner will get a report listing the sites you’ve visited, and you and your partner can view these reports online at any time. Together you’ll learn to use the Internet with integrity. If you need filtering, CovenantEyes also has a filtering option as well.
X3pure is the first online, confidential, streaming-video solution for dealing with pornography addiction. This powerful online workshop helps you take each important step toward recovery from your pornography addiction and is accessible from any Internet-connected computer at any time. X3pure includes a copy of Safe Eyes software that is good for up to 3 computers.
X3watch is an accountability software program helping with online integrity. Whenever you browse the Internet and access a site, which may contain questionable material, the program will record the site name, time, and date the site was visited. A person of your choice (an accountability partner) will receive an email containing all possible questionable sites you may have visited within the month.
Kansas City Support Group
If you are a woman struggling with a pornography/sexual addiction in the Kansas City area, we will be having a special summer edition of “Women’s Victory Over Porn Addiction” on Tuesday evenings beginning May 25 at 6:30pm. We’ll study The L.I.F.E. Guide for Women by Marnie Ferree. To order workbook & register click here (and scroll to the bottom of the page).